


To Whom it May Concern

by Phoebe_Snow



Series: Perfection Never Looked So Good [56]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I ship Steve and Nat with happiness and each other, Imagine your OTP, Love, Natasha is his taste tester, Stand by your man, Steve Rogers Cooks, Tony is mildly ooc, We stan supportive love interests in this house, but I could see him trolling Steve like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebe_Snow/pseuds/Phoebe_Snow
Summary: Tony asks Steve an inappropriate question and Natasha answers it.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: Perfection Never Looked So Good [56]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/811944
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	To Whom it May Concern

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off an old edit I made that just popped into my mind recently. It's got a crack feel to it, which makes it different than my normal fanfics, but I hope you guys will enjoy it all the same.❤️

* * *

Natasha took a bite of the seafood gumbo her boyfriend made and moaned in pleasure. "Oh, my God. That’s so good!"

Steve beamed in pride at her affirmation. Cooking was one of his hobbies and he was so seasoned at it that he was considered the team chef. If he was in the complex, the Avengers never ate out. "Thank you. I’ve been wanting to make it, but I had to order a few imported ingredients first."

The redhead nodded and hummed her approval as she spooned the food down her throat. She made sure not to eat it fast, but it was so delicious that she couldn’t savor it too long before swallowing. Every time he made a dish in the kitchen, experimental or not, she volunteered to be a guinea pig because she knew it’d be tasty.

Once she finished her bowl, she held it out to him. "Fill her up!"

"Nat, you were just supposed to have a taste..." His voice sounded chastening, but she knew he was thrilled that she wanted seconds.

"I know, but it’s your fault for seducing me with your food, Steve. How can you expect me to just eat a little bit?" She mock-pouted and shook her bowl.

"I’ve created a monster," came his laughing reply, but he picked up the bowl and filled it with more gumbo.

Her eyes lit up and she rubbed her hands together in anticipation. When he gave the bowl back, she gave him a soft kiss on the lips as a thank you. "Yes, but keep feeding me and I promise to love you forever."

"With a vow like that, how can I stop giving you food?" He returned the smooch and cupped her cheek with his hand, holding her to him.

Wanda called from the hallway. "Alright, you two. Try to keep it PG. People eat here you know."

Sighing, they pulled apart and intentionally sent her thoughts of "Thanks for ruining the moment" in the witch's direction. She heard their message and as she went to the fridge to get her pineapple yogurt, she said, "You’re welcome. The kitchen is supposed to be for food, not make out sessions with your boyfriend."

"Interesting you should say that when I caught you and Barnes half naked in the cabinet last week." Natasha challenged, raising her eyebrow.

"I plead the fifth."

"Mmhm." The other woman swatted her friend's arm playfully and continued eating her gumbo.

Peering over her shoulder, Wanda realized what she was eating and her stomach growled on cue. "Gumbo! Steve, could I have some too?" Wanda's eyes widened and she breathed in the aroma of the soup. "It smells amazing."

"Sure, why not? I’m making another batch anyway. But you’d better hurry. Nat might end up eating the whole pot."

"And I should," his girlfriend replied. "It’s that delicious."

Wanda ladled a generous amount of gumbo into a ceramic bowl. "So, Nat. What’s your rating of this on a scale of one to five?"

The redhead hummed to herself for a moment. "Better than sex."

"Just what I need, a food aphrodisiac." Wanda snickered and sat on the stool at the kitchen island.

"What’s this I hear about something being better than sex?" Tony came into the kitchen, drawn by the enticing smell of the gumbo as it emanated through the hallway.

"Steve’s gumbo is better than sex," Wanda answered through her chewing. After eating a few spoonfuls of the soup, she agreed with Natasha's assessment. Steve cooked some amazing meals during his time as an Avenger and this soup was definitely in the top five best dishes he ever made.

"Sounds good to me, although I doubt any food could be better than sex. At least, not the kind of sex _I_ have." Tony grabbed a bowl and began to ladle himself a helping of the gumbo.

Steve rolled his eyes. He and Tony managed to get along, but sometimes, the man could be tiresome with his dirty jokes and constant teasing. "Save it for someone who’s interested."

"Aw, did that make you uncomfortable?"

"No. I'd just like to get through the day without hearing your sex stories." The two women in the room nodded in agreement. They didn’t want to hear them either.

"You say that, but deep down you know you're fascinated by them." The engineer waggled his eyebrows,

"I’m more fascinated by a dead centipede," came Steve's response.

"Hm." Tony lifted the spoon to his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. "It’s good, but not as good as sex."

"That’s your opinion," Natasha said pointedly. Then she smiled at Steve and touched his cheek. "That was wonderful, babe. Next time you’ll have to let me help you make it."

"Sure, if you really want to." The soldier's face softened and he squeezed her hand gently.

"So Steve, are you an ass man or a breast man?" Tony interrupted the tender moment between the two with his obnoxious question.

Wanda snorted the milk she just drank out of her nose and coughed hard. Reaching for a hand towel on the counter, she wiped her face dry. All was silent for a moment as the younger Avenger in the living room watched the super soldier to see what his response would be.

Steve frowned at Tony. "I’m not going to dignify that with an answer."

"Come on. The public would like to know." The other man waggled his eyebrows.

"The public meaning _you_ , and I’m keeping those thoughts to myself because they’re private." Steve sent Tony a disapproving glare. They may be teammates, but they weren’t friends as he'd never cared for the other man's flippant and disrespectful behavior when it came to people’s boundaries.

"It’s not a hard question. Personally, I’m a breast man. There. I told you what I like, now you tell me what you like."

"Forget it."

"Oh, come on, Cap. It’s not like I asked if you liked tits and ass."

Wanda rolled her eyes and Natasha scowled.

Slamming his hand on the counter, Steve stood and stared down at Tony, eyes full of ice. "I told you to shut up, Stark. My preference in women is _my_ business and I don’t have to share it with you."

"Is that supposed to scare me? Big, bad Steve Rogers gets in my face and I’m shaking in my boots!" The other man made an "Ooo" sound and waved his fingers rapidly.

"Frankly, I don’t care if you’re scared of me or not, but I’d appreciate it if you respected my personal boundaries and stopped trying to find out things that are no concern of yours."

Tony opened his mouth, ready to deliver a reply when Natasha beat him to the punch. "Steve loves my entire body and he’s not shallow, so he can’t just pick out one thing he loves about me."

Now Wanda's eyes were as wide as an owl's as she watched the scene before her. Tony always did have a big mouth, but he was getting served today. The only thing missing in this moment was a large striped bowl of popcorn in her lap that she could eat from while she enjoyed the entertainment.

Natasha continued. "The only person who needs to know about his preferences in women is me. I’m his girlfriend. And even if I weren’t with him, it would still be none of your business. Steve isn’t like you. He doesn’t have to brag about his conquests or constantly make sex jokes to amuse people. He has class, something you’re not familiar with, and probably never will be. So next time, think before you flap those lips of yours."

She sent him a hard look, then entwined her fingers with Steve’s and they walked out of the kitchen together. Wanda watched them momentarily and turned to smirk at Tony, who stood at the island, speechless. "That’s game, set and match to Natasha." She snapped her fingers. "She told you."

In Natasha's room, she sat on Steve's lap and put her arms around his neck. Her voice came out breathily, teasing him. "So are you a breast person or an ass person, soldier?"

"Hm." He grabbed her backside, causing her to squeal in delight, then his hands travelled up and around to the front of her torso, fondling her plump breasts. Enjoying the mewls of pleasure his touch elicited from his girlfriend, he nuzzled her ear and placed his palm on her chest. "Both are nice, but I think I love your heart most of all."

"You always know how to say the right thing." Natasha buried her face in his shoulder and felt contentment in his caress. There was nowhere else she’d rather be than here in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Drop by my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/greenfleeze) or [instagram](http://instagram.com/first.lady.romanogers) and say hi!💞


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